N.T. Greek word – ‘agapao’ (verb form), ‘agape’ (noun form). It refers to a sacrificial, giving love. It “indicates a direction of the will in finding one’s joy in anything” (Zodhiates).
Vines writes, “in respect of ‘agapao’ as used of God, it expresses the deep and constant love and interest of a perfect Being towards entirely unworthy objects, producing and fostering a reverential love in them towards the Giver, and a practical love towards those who are partakers of the same, and a desire to help others to seek the Giver.”
Mounce writes, “A biblical definition of love starts with God, never with us (1 Jn. 4:9-10). God is love itself; it is His character that defines love. Because he is love he acts with love toward an undeserving world (Jn. 3:16; 1 Jn. 3:1, 16), to save them from their sins and reconcile them to himself (Rom. 5:8).”
Husbands are particularly commanded to exercise this kind of love in the marriage union (Eph. 5:25, Col. 3:19).
Where does a good marriage start? It starts at the cross!
In this lecture, we will consider 3 lessons about Calvary Love.
The Author of Calvary Love (Jn. 3:16; Rom. 5:8, 1 Jn. 4:10)
Christ and the cross are the inspiration of Calvary love.
God expressed His love for us in words.
- Verbal expressions of love are vital in a marriage. The husband needs to set the example in this area but it is important for both husband and wife to express love in words to each other.
- Illustration: The couple in the Song of Solomon passionately expressed their love for each other.
God demonstrated His love for us in action.
- Verbal expressions of love can be almost meaningless if not backed up with action.
- God’s words of love to a lost and sinful world were not empty and insincere. Almighty God backed those words with the greatest sacrifice He could make, the sacrifice of His Beloved, Only Begotten Son.
- What amazing, awe-inspiring, indescribable love! We echo the sentiments of the hymn writers:“O perfect love, all human thoughts transcending, lowly we kneel in prayer before thy throne”;“I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene, and wonder how He could love me a sinner condemned unclean”;“Amazing love how can it be that thou my God shouldst die for me”; “Could we with ink the ocean fill and were the sky of parchment made, were every stalk on earth a quill and every man a scribe by trade; to write the love of God above would drain the ocean dry, nor could the scroll contain the whole though stretched from sky to sky;“Here is love vast as the ocean, loving kindness as the flood; when the Prince of Life, my ransom, shed for us his precious blood. Who his love will not remember? Who can cease to sing his praise? He shall never be forgotten, throughout Heaven’s eternal days. On the mount of crucifixion, fountains opened deep and wide, from the flood gates of God’s mercy, flowed a vast and gracious tide; grace and love like mighty rivers, poured incessant from above, and God’s peace and perfect justice kissed a guilty world in love.”
- Husbands, it is important to verbalise our love for our wives but those words will not mean a whole lot if they are not backed up in our actions. For example:
- A man tells his wife he loves her one day then hits her the next.
- A man tells his wife he loves her but regularly speaks to her roughly and unkindly.
- A man tells his wife he loves her but refuses to let her buy something she really wants or needs.
- A man tells his wife he loves her but won’t serve her in the home (e.g., assistance with children).
The Attributes of Calvary Love (1 Cor. 13)
This is the most detailed passage on Agape love in the New Testament, and it was given to a carnal church that lacked this kind of love.
The Qualities of Self-giving Love
Charity (“self-giving love that demands nothing in return”) is defined in verses 4–7. Notice that love is mostly defined in this passage by highlighting what true love is “not”. Note the 15 qualities below:
- Self-giving love is… long-suffering/patient.
- Self-giving love is… kind.
- Self-giving love is… not envious.
- Self-giving love is… not boastful.
- Self-giving love is… not prideful.
- Self-giving love is… not unseemly/unbecoming in behaviour.
- Self-giving love is… self-seeking (i.e., its own interests).
- Self-giving love is… not easily provoked. The word speaks of “Irritation or sharpness of spirit.” (RWP)
- Self-giving love is… not revengeful (thinketh no evil). “Taketh not account of evil (ou logizetai to kakon). Old verb from logos, to count up, to take account of as in a ledger or notebook, “the evil” (to kakon) done to love with a view to settling the account.” We could say that love does not keep a list against another nor does it seek to settle a score.
- Self-giving love is… not joyful in iniquity.
- Self-giving love is… joyful in the truth.
- Self-giving love is… bearing of all things. The root word is ‘stege’ meaning “to roof over”, hence to cover over with silence (endure patiently) (Strongs Concordance). Love covers, protects, forebears; it covers a multitude of sins (See 1 Pet. 4:8)
- Self-giving love is… believing of all things. Build your marriage on faith!
- Self-giving love is… hopeful of all things. “Sees the bright side of things. Does not despair.” (RWP) Be positive about your marriage!
- Self-giving love is… enduring in all things. It perseveres. Carries on like a stout-hearted soldier.
- Self-giving love is enduring (never fails). It survives everything.
Exercises (apply the truth!)
- What is the opposite to love? It’s hate.
- “Hate does not suffer long and it is mean. Hate envies. Hate vaunts itself and is puffed up. Hate behaves inappropriately and seeks its own. Hate is easily provoked. Hate thinks evil. Hate rejoices in iniquity (sin) and disdains the truth. Hate does not bear all things, doesn’t believe all things, has no hope, does not endure, hate always fails.”
- We can be hateful in our actions even if in our hearts we don’t feel hate towards our spouse.
- Verbally substitute the words “I am…” for “Self-giving love is…” in the above list by reading them to each other. Write down any qualities of true love you believe need improving in your own life or that will need attention in your marriage.
- Husband:
- Wife:
- Now substitute the words “Jesus Christ is” for “Self-giving love is”. You will find that Christ is the perfect embodiment of every aspect of this love! If you want this kind of love in your marriage, let Christ live through you (John 15)
The Application of Calvary Love
How do we apply Calvary love in a marriage?
The Empowerment of Christlike Love
The power comes from the Holy Spirit.
- Love is a Fruit of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22)
- Love is a Fragrance of the Spirit (Rom. 5:5)
The Exercise of Christlike Love
Summarising what we have learned from Christ’s example and the 1 Corinthians 13 passage, the love we are to exercise in marriage is:
Summary from Christ’s example
Christ’s love is:
A Giving Love (Jn. 3:16)
- Giving is at the heart of God’s love. If God could give the love gift of His Son, how much more should we be willing to give to one another in marriage?
- Give to one another practically in toil and tasks.
- Give to one another romantically in time, treasure and touch.
- Happy marriages are marriages where both the husband and wife give and keep on giving to one another.
A Serving Love (Gal. 5:13)
- Illustration: Christ washing his disciples’ feet (Jn. 13:1-20)
- If Christ, the Lord of glory, could stoop to such a humble act of service, then no task, no matter how menial, is beneath us in marriage.
- Husbands, you can learn to change a nappy. It won’t kill you!
- O happy home, where each one serves thee, lowly, whatever his appointed work may be, till ev’ry common task seems great and holy, when it is done, O Lord, as unto thee!
A Sacrificing Love (Rom. 5:8).
Christ loved us enough to lay down his life for us!
- Lay down your life for your spouse daily.
- Husbands, lay down your life for your wife literally if the need arises (e.g., to protect your wife)
A Forgiving Love
Col. 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
- The word ‘quarrel’ comes form the root word meaning “to blame, find fault”. It has the sense of “complaint – an expression of grievance or resentment; especially one that assumes blame.”
- The word ‘forgive’ here is a form of the word “grace” (‘charizomai’). To forgive is to give grace. Christ’s forgiveness was an act of God’s grace we didn’t deserve and that is the kind of forgiveness God requires of us towards one another.
- Illustrations: Corrie Ten Boom & converted German guard. Richard Wurmbrand & love for torturers.
- Practically speaking:
- Keep short accounts with the Lord and short accounts with each other.
- Don’t keep mental lists against each other.
- Forgive and keep on forgiving! Matt. 18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”
A Cherishing & Nourishing Love (Eph. 5:29)
We will discuss this more on Sunday.
Summary from 1 Corinthians 13
Agape love is long- suffering/patient, kind, not envious, not boastful, not prideful, does not behave inappropriately, is not Self-seeking, is not easily provoked, thinks no evil, rejoices not in iniquity, rejoices in the truth, bears all things, hopes all things, endures all things and never fails.
Point to Ponder
While you will not be husband and wife in heaven (Matt. 22:30), the AGAPE love you have for each other which started in this life will endure into the next. It will never fail.
O happy home, where two in heart united
in holy faith and blessed hope are one,
whom death a little while alone divideth,
and cannot end the union here begun!
Conclusion
Illustration: Husband and wife reconciled at the grave of their deceased son.
- Challenge: Do you know Christ as your Saviour? You cannot know this kind of love in your life and marriage without salvation. 1Jn 4:8 “He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.”
- Exercise: Write a love note to your spouse telling them how Christ’s love inspires you to love them in your marriage.
References
- 70×7 = 490 but the point Christ made was that you should go on forgiving
Sermon 1 in Marriage Seminar 2026
Sermon Audio Id: 312261129202525