The New Man at Home – Part 2 – Colossians 3:20-21

Lesson # 24 – Colossians verse by verse. This lesson explores the Bible’s teaching concerning children and parents in the home. Special challenge for fathers!

1. This section of chapter 3 covers what we could call “The Relationships of the New Man.” We see how the new man is to behave in the 3 main areas of his life:
   • Church Life (Vs. 15-17)
   • Family Life (Vs. 18-21)
   • Work Life (Vs. 22 – 4:1)
2. All of these commands are achieved through the sufficiency of Christ in our lives (2:9-10)
3. This type of family life is produced by lives filled with the Word (Vs. 16) and the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18)
4. The importance of getting back to the biblical model for the home. Illustration: The manufacturer’s instructions.

Instruction for Wives (Vs. 18)

1. The exhortation to submission:
   1. ‘submit’ means to “place yourself under, to be in subjection to.” The word comes from military vocabulary and simply means “to arrange under rank.” (Wiersbe)
      1. This word was used to describe Christ’s obedient attitude to His parents in Luke 2:51.
      2. The wife is to acknowledge the authority of the husband over her life.
      3. This does not imply inferiority to the wife. It is God’s established order for the home.
   2. The Husband is the Wife’s head: 1 Cor 11:3 “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.”
   3. The wife is to be obedient to her husband: Titus 2:5 “…obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” Note: It is significant that the older women are to teach this principle to the younger women. What we see today in many families is the opposite – mothers encouraging their daughters to be disloyal to their husbands authority. I Peter 3:6 “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…”
2. The reason for submission: It is fit, proper in the Lord. Ephesians 5:22 says it is to be done “as unto the Lord.”
3. The illustration of submission: Ephesians 5:24 says the wife’s submission to her husband is to be like the churches submission to Christ in all things.
4. The application of submission.
   1. Uphold the authority of your husband in the home.
   2. Avoid usurping his authority in front of the children.
   3. Don’t censure/rebuke him in public.
   4. View his authority as God’s protection over you rather than something annoying.
   5. Make a conscious effort to bring things to his attention.
   6. Don’t manipulate your husband’s leadership.
   7. Speak to him in a sweet, respectful manner.

Instruction for Husbands (Vs. 19)

1. Positively – He is to exercise Christ-like love to his wife (19a)
   1. Definition: The love which is one of God’s attributes (I. Jn. 4:8). A love that is others-focused and self-sacrificing. “Like the love of Christ which is sacrificial, giving, altruistic…A nourishing and cherishing love which makes its object feel valuable and wanted.” (Gromacki)
   2. Illustration: The picture of Christ & the Church (Eph. 5:25-33)
   3. Demonstration: The attributes of love (I. Cor. 13:4-8).
2. Negatively – He is to guard against a bitter spirit towards his wife (19b)
   1. Definition: To be embittered, sour & angry. “It is used of an incensed and angry attitude, when one is mastered by a bitter spirit.” (Kent) The word ‘bitter’ has the sense of being angry (Moule). Behavior that is harsh and rough.
   2. Illustration: This word is used in Revelation 8:11 to describe God’s judgment upon the third of the waters. “And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and the third part of the waters became wormwood; and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter.”
3. Practically – demonstrate this love in daily life.
   1. Give of your time.
   2. Listen, listen, listen and then listen again!
   3. Study your wife. Identify the ways she likes you to express your love to her. Find out her love language: 1 Pet. 3:7 “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered”
   4. Show an interest and concern for her physical needs: 1 Cor. 7:33 “But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.”

Instruction for Children (Vs. 20)

1. The objects of their obedience – ‘parents’ (both mum and dad)
2. The scope of their obedience – “all things.”
   1. ‘obey’ literally means “to listen under (as looking up).” (A.T. Robertson)
   2. Obey your parents; “with inner reverence and promptness, as well as in the outward act.” (Poole)
   3. “all things” = provided it does not violate God’s supreme authority (Acts 5:29)
3. The motivation for their obedience
   1. It pleases the Lord.
   2. It is right (Eph 6:1)
   3. It involves a promise (Eph. 6:2-3)
4. “For the most part, children do not create problems; they reveal them. Parents who cannot discipline themselves cannot discipline their children. If a father and mother are not under authority themselves, they cannot exercise authority over others.” (Wiersbe)

Instruction for Fathers (Vs. 21)

1. What he needs to avoid (Vs. 21)
   1. ‘Provoke’ – means to irritate, frustrate, nag & exasperate (as a habit).
   2. ‘discouraged’ – means to be without courage or spirit. To lose heart, be disheartened & broken hearted. It has the sense of being listless, sullen, discouraged, or despairing.
   3. Note: We need to break the child’s will, not his spirit.
   4. Application: A Father particularly has to be careful in the exercise of his authority not to unduly exasperate his children. There are many ways he can do this.
      • Unrealistic expectations that he never had to live under as a child (e.g. perfection).
      • Idealistic expectations (e.g. ideas picked up in books on parenting).
      • Excessive discipline or discipline with a harsh, ungentle spirit.
      • A lack of proper balance between negative correction and positive encouragement. Illustration: Martin Luther
      • Trying to interact with a child on an adult level (e.g. teasing or concepts the child cannot understand properly).
      • Issuing complex commands that are above a child’s understanding.
      • Failure to understand the different stages of a child’s development.
      • Humiliating the child in public.
2. What he needs to pursue (Eph. 6:4)
   1. “bring them up” = to nourish (S. 5:29)
   2. ‘nurture’
      1. Broad word involving discipline, chastening, training & education.
      2. “All the wholesome restraints of a wise early education are in view; all training in the direction of a life modest, unselfish, and controlled.” (Moule)
   3. ‘admonish’ – training by word (encouragement and reproof) (Trench)
   4. Application: The Father is to take the responsibility for what his children are taught. He himself is to take the time to instruct and train his children in the Word of God. He must monitor what his children listen to, watch and read. He needs to be aware of the times he lives in and of the destructive forces working for the corruption of his family.
      1. Prov. 13:24 “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.”
      2. Prov. 22:15 “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.”
      3. Deut. 6:6-7 “And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.”
   5. Illustration: The danger of Safe Schools

Conclusion

1. Challenge to Wives: Are you living like a new woman in the home? How is your attitude towards your husband?
2. Challenge to Husbands: How is your love for your wife? Are you demonstrating that love in practical ways?
3. Children: Are you in submission to your parents’ authority?
4. Fathers: How are you treating your children? Are you taking responsibility for the leadership of the home?
5. Singles (men & ladies): Are you adopting a biblical mindset for future marriage?

Sermon 24 of 28 in Colossians Series

Sermon Audio Id: 11417204791