Marriage Seminar #4: Cherishing (Romantic) Love – 1 Corinthians 7:1-5

Marriage seminar session # 4 on the theme of romance/intimacy in marriage. Note: This session was followed by a split session for wives and husbands. Audio of these sessions available upon request.

Why talk about Sex from the Pulpit?

The Bible has much to say about this subject. For example:

• Becoming “one flesh” is at the heart of marriage as designed by God. Gen. 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
• The Holy Spirit included a whole Book (Song of Solomon) on marital passion in the canon of Scripture.
• Marriage is honourable and the bed undefiled (Heb. 13:4)! Outside of marriage, sex is a sinful, perverted activity, but within marriage, it is wholesome and holy.

This is a very important facet of a healthy, happy marriage. Society has indeed made too much out of sex, but we need to be careful not to make too little out of it as far as its role in marriage is concerned. Some well-meaning saints sometimes come up with some funny ideas in this area that may sound spiritual, but they are not Scripture. And if something is not Scriptural, it is not spiritual! There is nothing unspiritual about a man and his wife engaged in deep, passionate intimacy. There is nothing unspiritual about a couple being head over heels for each other. In fact, that is how our Creator designed things to be! He is the Creator of the one-flesh union. He made it intensely pleasurable and fulfilling. He designed it to be a powerful glue to bond husband and wife together.

If Pastors don’t provide some biblical and practical teaching and counsel on this subject, then the only voices filling the void will be Hollywood and the porn industry!

Marriage without sex is like a musical without music.

In this lesson, we will consider 3 points about romance in marriage.

The Purpose of Marital Romance (Vs. 1-2)

The Apostle upholds marriage as the blessed alternative to the sin of fornnication. A happy marriage is a wonderful refuge for a husband and wife and helps prevent them from the sin of immorality. The Bible clearly teaches that one purpose of marriage is to avoid sin. In fact, there are three clear purposes for the one-flesh union in Scripture, as follows:

Procreation – it is for conception and childbearing (Gen. 1:28; 9:1; 35:11; Mal. 2:15)

1. God’s command to Adam and Eve – “And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, and subdue it…” (Gen. 1:28)
2. God’s command to Noah and his sons – “And God blessed Noah and his sons, and said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth.” (Gen. 9:1)
3. God’s command to Jacob – “And God said unto him, I am God Almighty: be fruitful and multiply; a nation and a company of nations shall be of thee, and kings shall come out of thy loins;” (Gen. 35:11)
4. God’s purpose is a godly seed – “And did not he make one? Yet had he the residue of the spirit. And wherefore one? That he might seek a godly seed…” (Mal. 2:15)
5. Note: Modern society has reduced sex primarily to being only about pleasure, disconnecting it from the sacred duty, responsibility, and privilege of procreation. When you separate the one-flesh union from one of its primary purposes—conception and childbearing—it loses its meaning. Most Bible believers today oppose abortion, but very few scrutinise birth control in light of the Scriptures. However, we must be ready to evaluate all our beliefs against the Word of God to ensure we haven’t adopted worldly philosophies.

Pleasure – it is for the mutual joy, comfort, bonding and enjoyment of husband and wife (Gen. 18:12; 24:67; 26:8, Song of Solomon)

1. Isaac and Rebekah (Gen. 26:7-8)
   1. Gen 26:7-8 “And the men of the place asked him of his wife; and he said, She is my sister: for he feared to say, She is my wife; lest, said he, the men of the place should kill me for Rebekah; because she was fair to look upon. And it came to pass, when he had been there a long time, that Abimelech king of the Philistines looked out at a window, and saw, and, behold, Isaac was sporting with Rebekah his wife.”
   2. The word sporting means “to laugh, play, make sport”. In this context, it refers to a husband engaging in pleasurable touching with his wife.
   3. This is a Biblical Sport to play as a couple. Play it often!
2. Solomon and the Shulamite (Song of Solomon) The Song contains passionate scenes of marital romance involving things like:
   1. Passionate kissing.
   2. Passionate embracing and touching.
   3. Passionate verbalising of loving thoughts and feelings.
   4. Passionate consummation in the one-flesh union.

Protection – it is for the purpose of avoiding the sin of immorality (1 Cor. 7:1-5)

1. There is more than one biblical reason for getting married, but avoiding sin is one of them. This verse makes that crystal clear.
2. Gromacki writes, “The opening phrase literally reads ‘on account of the fornications’ (note the plural). The believers at Corinth were surrounded by temptations. In such a situation, a wholesome marital union was not only helpful but absolutely necessary for many.”
3. Pro. 5:15-19 “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.”
4. Later in the chapter, when discussing the matter of singlehood, Paul states, “But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.” (Vs. 9)

The Principles for Marital Romance (Vs. 3-5)

The Apostle now outlines some essential principles for marriage, especially in the area of fulfilling each other’s romantic desires. Note the 3 principles that, if applied, will greatly contribute to a happy marriage.

Be Others-centred towards Your Spouse (Vs. 3)

1. The husband is to be loving towards his wife (Vs. 3a) Let’s unpack some key words here…
   1. The word ‘render’ comes from the Greek term ἀποδίδωμι (apodidōmi), meaning “to give back”. Having a giving mindset is essential in a marriage. It’s not just about what you can take from the relationship but what you can contribute. When both husband and wife adopt this attitude, it fosters a happy marriage. This contrasts with the world’s me-centred approach. Married life will reveal just how selfish you are!
   2. The word ‘due’ signifies something owed, emphasising that it is a sacred duty. However, it is not a cold, clinical obligation (like a military duty). Instead, there is warmth, kindness, and goodwill, as the next word reveals.
   3. The word ‘Benevolence’ comes from the Greek word εὔνοια (eunoia), which has the root idea of “well-minded”. It means kindness, goodwill. Barnes comments, “The word which he uses ευ$νοιαν, eunoian, (“benevolence”) denotes kindness, goodwill, affection of mind. And by the use of the word “due” (ο/φειλομε3νην, opheilomenēn), he reminds them of the sacredness of their vow, and of the fact that in person, property, and in every respect, they belong to each other.
   4. The world portrays love as something you “fall into” and romance as something that just “happens”. While spontaneity can and should play a part within marriage, the reality is that a successful love life requires effort, selfless love, communication, and both husband and wife investing time and energy into each other.
   5. Notice how a happy marriage requires each one to be others- focused. The husband is to render due kindness to the wife, and the wife to the husband. Both must see their bodies as belonging to the other and be willing to meet each other’s needs. They must be careful not to defraud each other and thereby give the devil an opportunity to make inroads into the marriage. Warmth, affection, sacrifice, selflessness, and devotion are essential in a marriage. Both the husband and wife need to invest in their marriage. You invest in what you value. There is nothing more precious than marriage and the family.
2. The wife is to be loving towards her husband (Vs. 3b)
   1. The wife is to be of the same disposition towards her husband.
   2. Note that in the context of this passage, the marriage bed is particularly in view. Husbands and wives need to show benevolence (kindness, goodwill) by cherishing each other in this area. Be affectionately minded towards each other in the bedroom. Put time and effort into bringing joy to your spouse.
   3. Illustration: A two-way street vs a one-way lane. One-way street marriages are a dead end to nowhere apart from the grace of God.
   4. God’s model is opposite to the world’s me-centred approach to relationships. We are living in a day where there is very little concept of sacrifice and devotion to one’s spouse.

Be Owned by your Spouse (Vs. 4)

1. The wife is to yield her body to her husband (Vs. 4a)
   1. The word ‘power’ has the idea “to have the right of control. To have the right to exercise authority.” The same Greek word is also translated “exercise authority upon” in Luke 22:25.
   2. If you take this mindset to heart, you won’t turn down your spouse in the area of intimacy. You belong to your spouse and to the Lord. You don’t own you! You gave up that right at the marriage altar.
   3. This verse also reminds us that your body is for your spouse and your spouse alone. To use your body with anyone besides your spouse is not only to sin grievously against the Lord but also against your spouse.
   4. Illustration: The old marriage vows from the Book of Common Prayer included this line with the giving of the ring – “WITH this ring I thee wed, with my body I thee worship, and with all my worldly goods I thee endow: In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost. Amen.” The word “worship” here does not mean religious adoration, but rather a profound expression of love, reverence, and dedication through physical intimacy, service, and overall care for the spouse. The phrase signifies a deep and total commitment, where a person dedicates their entire physical being to their spouse. It reflects the truth that marriage involves a giving of oneself on a profound level to the other. This idea is largely absent from the mindsets of most people today, including many Christians.
   5. Don’t want that kind of commitment? Don’t get married, then!
2. The husband is to yield his body to his wife (Vs. 4b)

Be Often with your Spouse (Vs. 5)

1. The Command – don’t deprive your spouse of marital intimacy (Vs. 5a)
   1. “Defraud” = to deprive someone of something that is rightfully theirs. The word ‘defraud’ can mean “to cheat, rob or steal” and is used in this sense in 6:7-8. The word can also have the sense of “To withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him” (Webster) and is used in that manner here (7:5).
   2. When you refuse your spouse, you are defrauding them. Evidently, it is no light thing, in God’s sight, for one partner to hold out on another partner in this area of life or to use it as a tool of manipulation. But let love, rather than guilt and a sense of obligation, be the motivation for fulfilling your spouse’s needs in this area.
   3. Illustration: The mother who told her daughter to deny her husband in this area to help him learn to love her with Christ’s love.
2. The Concession – abstain only for agreed-upon seasons of fasting and prayer (Vs. 5b)
   1. ‘Consent’ refers to a mutual agreement. It means “to agree, consent, be of the same feeling.” It comes from the Greek word σύμφωνος (sumphōnos), which literally carries the idea of a “sounding together.” Our word ‘symphony’ is derived from this Greek word. The word is composed of ‘sum’ (together) and ‘phonos’ (to sound), hence representing harmony or agreement. The decision to abstain must be made mutually between husband and wife. Communication in this area is implied.
   2. “fasting and prayer” = the period of abstinence is for the sake of focusing on the spiritual exercise of fasting and prayer.
   3. Illustration: “And he said unto the people, Be ready against the third day: come not at your wives.” (Ex. 19:15)
3. The Caution – Resume romantic activity promptly lest the devil get a foothold (Vs. 5c)
   1. ‘incontinency’ = want of self-restraint.
   2. God’s wisdom is clear. Couples need to keep it regular!
   3. The devil hates Christian marriages, and he knows that when things go sour in the bedroom between a man and his wife, it presents him with a golden opportunity to divide and destroy.
   4. It has been well said that when you are single, the devil works hard to get you to have sex before marriage, but after you are married, he works hard to stop you from having sex with your spouse!
   5. This isn’t a one-sided issue (for example, men only). The wife fulfils her own emotional and relational needs in the romantic side of married life. If she is not receiving loving, romantic attention from her husband, she might be tempted to seek man time elsewhere (such as emotional affairs).

The Practical Suggestions for Marital Romance

A couple’s love life, in many ways, is the fruit of the right ingredients in a marriage, but at the same time, it also contributes to the health of the marriage. It helps preserve sweetness, bonding, and connection between a couple. In the marriage bed, you know each other on a deep, meaningful, and intimate level. Mark it down, sexless marriages are sour marriages.

Let me offer a few practical thoughts on maintaining a thriving love life as a couple:

Give priority to your love life!

1. Always keep this part of your married life at the top of your to-do list. Other things can drop down the list, but this part of your life can’t! If you don’t plan for it, the pressures of life will crowd it out. If you are too busy, you are too busy! Make time for intimacy!
2. We plan for just about everything in life, so plan for this part of your life too! Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind. Communicate! Each week, you should discuss when the next date night will be. You might say, “But it should just happen!” Of course, we should leave room in our marriages for spontaneous bursts of passion. If your spouse starts being romantic with you, don’t reach for the diary and say, “Hey, I don’t think this is on the schedule for today!” But in reality, as with every other area of life, you will need to plan for it most of the time, or it won’t happen. Planned sex is better than no sex!

Guard your love life!

Common enemies of a good love life:

1. Lack of discipline in your walk with God. Every aspect of life flows out of this. Want a good love life? Walk with God. Flourish as a couple under faithful preaching.
2. Lack of discipline in home life. Get your children on your program as a couple! Care for your children, love your children and train your children, but remember you are not married to your children. Put the children to bed early! Teach them to respect Mum and Dad’s bedroom (i.e., don’t walk in without knocking first, even if the door is open). Take your spouse to bed with you, not your kids!
3. Lack of forgiveness between you. Keep short accounts with the Lord and with each other. Unresolved conflicts will drain the life out of your love life. If you’ve had a fight, make up and make love! (as soon as practically possible). Maintain sweetness in your marriage.
4. Not embracing your God-given roles in marriage (e.g., the wife working outside the home).

Grow in your love life!

Concluding Exercise

Write a passionate love note to your spouse!

Sermon 4 in Marriage Seminar 2026

Sermon Audio Id: 312262345455085