Christian Courtship – Proverbs 30:18-19

Part 2 – 1 March 2026

Part 3 – 15 March 2026

Some Biblical principles and practical lessons on Christian Courtship.

What do we mean by courtship? Webster’s dictionary of 1828 defines the word as follows: “The act of wooing in love; solicitation of a woman to marriage.” A godly courtship, guided by the timeless truths and principles of God’s Word is a wonderful thing!

By the term “Christian courtship”, we are drawing a distinction with the world’s approach to romantic relationships (e.g., the world’s dating and sleep around culture).

The Book of Ruth and the love story of Boaz and Ruth or the love story of Isaac and Rebekah provide good, wholesome, Biblical examples of godly romance.

Let’s consider this subject under 3 headings.

Part 2 – 1 March 2026

Part 3 – 15 March 2026

The Preparation for Christian Courtship

If you want to be a husband one day, start preparing now! If you desire to be a wife one day, start preparing now!

Prepare in Your Spiritual Life

Prov. 4:23 “Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.” The issues of life ultimately trace back somewhere to the heart. The heart of the problem is the problem in the heart!

1. Cultivate your walk with God – human love alone is a very weak foundation for a relationship. You need Christ as your foundation. Psalm 11:3 “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?” Your relationship with Christ is what is going to really sustain you in the challenges you will face in married life.
2. Pray for your future spouse. Pray that God will prepare them for you and you for them.

Prepare in your Skills

Think about what your Biblical roles will be as a husband or wife, and start preparing for them. Modern culture encourages young people to waste all their time and treasure on fun and games, leaving them ill- prepared for the realities of life. Spending hours on social media is not going to prepare you for married life. Spending hours on video games is not going to prepare you for married life.

1. Young Men – prepare to be protectors, providers & fathers.
   1. Protectors – learn to treat the women in your life (e.g., your mother, sisters & sisters in Christ) with gentleness and respect in word and action. Learn the art of chivalry! The word chivalry comes from the days of the Knights and came to refer to men conducting themselves with a high level of politeness and courteousness towards women.
      1. Don’t be rough with your hands. Use your God-given, masculine strength to be a protector of women and children, not an abuser of women and children.
      2. Don’t be rough with your words. Words are a big deal to a woman so choose them carefully.
      3. If you see a lady carrying something heavy, offer to carry it for her. Be willing to give up your chair for your mother, sisters or sisters in Christ when they enter the room. Open the door for them. Look out for them.
      4. Illustration: In 2020, six-year-old Bridger Walker from Wyoming U.S.A. became a hero by stepping between a charging German Shepherd mix and his four-year-old sister, saving her from a vicious dog attack. Bridger sustained severe facial injuries requiring 90 stitches, later stating, “If someone had to die, I’d rather it be me”
      5. Illustration: Just 2 weeks ago at a beach in W.A., a 13- year-old boy swam 4 kilometers in rough conditions and ran 2 kilometers to save his family, who had been stranded at sea for over 8 hours.
   2. Providers – learn to work hard (Lam. 3:27) and save hard. Prov. 12:27 “The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious.”
      1. Don’t get caught up in the car craze! Cars are an expense and a liability, not an asset! Settle for something cheap and reliable. Drive a rust bucket for a while if you have to. My grandfather’s advice was “never loan money on a depreciating item!” A good women is more concerned about your character than your car! She is more interested in your character than your cologne. She cares more about your spirituality than your six pack. Wholesome hobbies and activities have their place in a young man’s life but don’t spend endless money on them.
      2. It’s not uncommon to observe young men with good paying jobs between the age of 20-30 wasting a lot of money. It is not wrong to enjoy some of the fruits of your labours but be wise.
      3. Costs multiply with marriage and family. As a single man you have a unique opportunity to save your money and prepare for the future. The same applies to single sisters. Prov. 23:5 “Wilt thou set thine eyes upon that which is not? for riches certainly make themselves wings; they fly away as an eagle toward heaven.” Ecc 5:11 “When goods increase, they are increased that eat them: and what good is there to the owners thereof, saving the beholding of them with their eyes?” What is earned in hours is spent in seconds.
      4. Understand that we live in a culture of consumerism and materialism that is designed to make you spend way more than you need to. If you are wise, you can just about live on what others throw away (e.g., second- hand).
      5. Remember that banks have an incentive to get you in dept as much as possible. Avoid credit cards!
      6. Tithe, give to missions, be generous as the Spirit leads but save all you can!
   3. Fathers – develop a love for children. A lot of men are very selfish today and have the attitude “don’t really like kids” or “don’t want kids”. God made you to be a father so learn how to interact with children in an appropriate manner.
   4. Challenge to fathers: Prepare your sons for Biblical manhood!
   5. Challenge to men of the church: Not all young men have a godly role model to look up to. Seek to be an encouragement to the young men in the church, even those from good homes. Young men need mentors and godly role models!
   6. Personal testimony: I honestly believe I would have struggled less as a teenager if some of the other men in the church had put a little bit of effort into being an encouragement. Young men need godly heroes in their lives and it means a LOT when a mature man shows a bit of interest.
2. Young Ladies – prepare to be helpmeets, homemakers and mothers.
   1. Helpmeet – cultivate a good relationship with the male authorities in your life (e.g., father, pastor). Learn to interact appropriately with your Christian brothers in the church.
      1. Learn to be sweet and ladylike. If you are a Miss Bossy Boots, you may be destined for a spinster’s life. Or you will end up marrying a very passive man who lets you have your way all the time. You may love that at first, but you will pay for it later if he is not a spiritual leader!
      2. Remember that God made you to be a completer, not a competitor. Develop a biblical view of womanhood and manhood. Beware of feminist thinking.
   2. Homemaker (1 Tim. 5:14; Tit. 2:5) – it takes diligence, hard work and skill to be a good housekeeper and homemaker. It is a high calling. Only a woman can make a house a home!
      1. Learn to cook. It is healthier for the family and a lot cheaper than buying takeaway. If you don’t like cooking, learn to!
      2. Learn to clean.
      3. Learn to wash and iron.
      4. Make the Proverbs 31 woman and the Titus 2 woman your goal not Taylor Swift or some other hussy on Instagram. Look at the hands of the Proverbs 31 woman.
   3. Mother – cultivate a love for children. God made you to bear children, a privilege a man will never have. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world!
      1. Don’t buy into the lie of the world that your greatest fulfilment in life will be found in climbing the corporate ladder. God’s Word exposes that is not true and research reveals it is not true. A woman finds her greatest sense of well-being and satisfaction in being a homemaker and a mother.
      2. Don’t buy the lie of the world to have a career first and children later!
      3. Learn from godly, experienced mothers in the church. Attend ladies meetings!
   4. Challenge to mothers: Are you preparing your daughters for their high calling to be wives and mothers one day? Or are you living out your career dreams vicariously through your daughters? Is a four-year uni degree the most important priority biblically for your daughters?

The Potential Candidate for Christian Courtship

The question “Where is she?” or “Where is he?” may be on your mind right now! Or “I think I may have found him or her but how do I know for sure?”. Let’s consider some Biblical principles that will help you find the right spouse.

The Standards for Seeking a Spouse

Ask the following questions about a potential spouse:

1. Are they saved? 2 Cor. 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” 1 Cor. 7:39 “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.”
   1. Many people say they are Christians who are false professors. You need to go beyond just asking “are you a Christian?” and then being happy with a “yes” answer. The individual might be just saying they are a Christian because they have a romantic interest in you.
   2. Time, prayer and discernment are a must!
   3. Have a godly person run them through the Bible X-Ray machine!
   4. Never engage in missionary dating!
2. Are they spiritual? Do they have a heart for God? Are they growing in the Lord?
   1. Ladies, does he demonstrate the makings of a good spiritual leader?
   2. Men, does she demonstrate the makings of a godly helpmeet? Does she have any inner beauty? What’s the substance of the person behind the pretty face?
3. Are they Serving? Are they a part of a solid, New Testament church? Do they have biblical priorities or worldly priorities?
4. Are they Sold out? Are they earnestly seeking God’s will in their lives?

The Signposts for Discerning God’s Will

There are four signposts that help us to discern the will of God:

1. The Guidance of the Scriptures
   1. Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”
   2. Psalm 119:130 “The entrance of thy words giveth light; it giveth understanding unto the simple.”
   3. Has God clearly spoken to me through His Word about this decision (e.g., through my daily devotions or through a sermon)?
2. The Leading of the Spirit
   1. Acts 13:2 “As they ministered to the Lord, and fasted, the Holy Ghost said, Separate me Barnabas and Saul for the work whereunto I have called them.”
   2. Acts 16:6-7 “Now when they had gone throughout Phrygia and the region of Galatia, and were forbidden of the Holy Ghost to preach the word in Asia, After they were come to Mysia, they assayed to go into Bithynia: but the Spirit suffered them not.”
   3. Do I have the peace of God about this decision or do I sense the inner promptings of the Spirit, warning me I may be going the wrong direction? Remember! The Holy Spirit will never lead you contrary to His Word.
3. The Counsel of the Saints Consider several important truths about counsel from the Scriptures.
   1. The Counsel of Sinners – Avoid it!
      1. Psalm 1:1 “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.”
      2. Proverbs 19:27 “Cease, my son, to hear the instruction that causeth to err from the words of knowledge.”
      3. Illustration: Athaliah. II Chronicles 22:2-3 “Forty and two years old was Ahaziah when he began to reign, and he reigned one year in Jerusalem. His mother’s name also was Athaliah the daughter of Omri. He also walked in the ways of the house of Ahab: for his mother was his counsellor to do wickedly.”
      4. Illustration: Jonadab’s wicked advice to Amnon. II Samuel 13:3 “But Amnon had a friend, whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimeah David’s brother: and Jonadab was a very subtil man.”
   2. The Counsel of the Scriptures – Read it!
      1. Psalm 16:7 “I will bless the LO RD, who hath given me counsel: my reins also instruct me in the night seasons.”
      2. Psalm 119:24 “Thy testimonies also are my delight and my counsellors.”
   3. The Counsel of the Saints – Seek it!
      1. Proverbs 11:14 “Where no counsel is, the people fall: but in the multitude of counsellors there is safety.”
      2. Proverbs 15:22 “Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.”
      3. Proverbs 24:6 “For by wise counsel thou shalt make thy war: and in multitude of counsellors there is safety.”
      4. Proverbs 27:9 “Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart: so doth the sweetness of a man’s friend by hearty counsel.”
   4. Some things to bear in mind with getting counsel. You need to:
      1. 1. Ask for it – Prov. 20:5 “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out.”
         2. Hear it – Prov. 19:20 “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.”
         3. Test it – I Thess. 5:21 “Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.”
4. The Direction of Circumstances
   1. Revelation 3:7-8 “And to the angel of the church in Philadelphia write; These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth; I know thy works: behold, I have set before thee an open door, and no man can shut it: for thou hast a little strength, and hast kept my word, and hast not denied my name.”
   2. I Corinthians 16:9 “For a great door and effectual is opened unto me, and there are many adversaries.”
   3. II Corinthians 2:12 “Furthermore, when I came to Troas to preach Christ’s gospel, and a door was opened unto me of the Lord,”
   4. Illustration: The South Wind Blew Softly! Acts 27:13-14 “And when the south wind blew softly, supposing that they had obtained their purpose, loosing thence, they sailed close by Crete. But not long after there arose against it a tempestuous wind, called Euroclydon.”
5. Note: Beware of relying on only 1 of the above sign posts! Look for four green lights!

The Principles for Christian Courtship

God’s order for Christian courtship is spirit, soul, body. Let’s consider this sequence.

Sprit – The Starting Point and Foundation for a Godly and Fulfilling Relationship

1. This is the complete opposite to the world which emphasizes raw physical passion as the basis of a romance and totally neglects the spiritual. God’s way is for a couple to bond on a spiritual level first.
2. The spiritual realm is the most important, and the closest bond that can be established between a Christian man and a woman. To have oneness of heart in spiritual things is something precious that the world of the unsaved know nothing about.
3. Make Christ and His Word the heart and soul of your relationship. Build your relationship on spiritual things. Encourage each other from your devotional life (e.g., what God is blessing you with from His Word). Pray together regularly (e.g., at the end of phone conversations).
4. By doing this, you will lay down a good foundation for the future. Psalm 11:3 “If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?”
5. Absolute consecration to Jesus is the strongest bond between human hearts. It strips them of self, and they have but one soul in thought, intent and settled purpose, because they have but one object.” (John Nelson Darby)

Soul – The Natural Bonding on the Mental and Emotional Level as the Relationship Progresses

The soul is made up of the mind, will and emotions. As a courtship progresses, there is a natural mental, emotional and volitional bonding that takes place on the spiritual foundation described above. The key to this is communication.

1. Mental – learning how each other thinks, getting to know each other better, discussing issues in the Christian life etc…
2. Emotional – as a relationship develops and grows, in time it becomes appropriate to express thoughts and feelings of love, provided it is kept on a pure plane (e.g., does not lead to inappropriate, pre-marital, physical contact). Emotions are God- given and are part of what God uses to draw a couple together. However, remember the first point above. Build your relationship on the spiritual, rather than the emotional. The emotions will naturally develop and grow as you keep God first in your relationship.
3. Volitional – as a relationship develops, a couple begins to learn to discuss and make decisions together.

Physical – The One Flesh Bonding that is to take Place Only after Biblical Marriange

If a courtship leads to marriage in the will of God

1. Some Scriptures
   1. Physical intimacy is holy, pure and created by God but it is only to be enjoyed in the context of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.”
   2. Romantic touching is to be reserved for marriage. 1 Cor. 7:1-2 “Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.”
   3. The one flesh union should take place only after a man and woman have come together in Biblical marriage. It is the total opposite to the world but it is so precious and beautiful when a couple come together in purity. God’s way is always best!
      1. Genesis 2:24 “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
      2. Mark 10:8-9 “And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.”
      3. Eph. 5:31 “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.”
2. Some suggestions (practical guidelines) Romans 13:14 “But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.”
   1. Resolve in your heart to keep yourself pure for each other.
   2. Commit to saving your first kiss for the marriage altar.
   3. Make use of a chaperon (e.g., family member or friend) if going out together (e.g., going out for a meal, traveling in the same car together).
   4. Spend quality time together in a safe context where there is natural accountability. E.g., spending time together in a godly home (e.g., parents, pastor, church member) where other people are around for accountability. A lot of our courtship took place in my parents front lounge and on my parent’s property! We were able to have a bit of privacy to talk but there were people around the place.

Conclusion

Commit to Christian Courtship! Do romance God’s way!

Sermon 1, 2 & 3 in Christian Courtship

Sermon Audio Id: 22126125194296, 22826234267373, 31426514314016